NARM Training Institute

In this webinar, You Can’t Force Forgiveness, NARM Master Therapist Sherri Sharkins, LPC, SEP, and NARM founder Dr. Laurence Heller examine some common misconceptions about forgiveness—especially exploring how some societal, cultural, and religious pressure encourage people to override their authentic emotional experience.

They explore how forcing ourselves to forgive too prematurely—or trying to forgive because it's imposed on us as a moral expectation—can compound the original hurt and deepen disconnection. When anger, protest, or grief are suppressed in the name of being “good,” “spiritual,” or “healed,” the result is usually not resolution but further internal disconnection. Rather than helping us process our pain, this kind of emotional suppression often reinforces shame and self-rejection.

Through the lens of the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), Sherri and Larry clarify that forgiveness cannot be manufactured. They discuss how in NARM, the focus is not on forcing forgiveness to happen but on supporting the integration of unresolved emotions and restoring connection to the self. When hurt, protest, and grief are acknowledged and integrated, forgiveness—if it comes at all—emerges organically rather than through self-pressure or moral demand.